


Memories

by phandomcryptid



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 22:18:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14554731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phandomcryptid/pseuds/phandomcryptid
Summary: Dan and Phil reminisce over the events - good and bad - that brought them together and made them the couple they are.





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the fic I made this account to post, I've just been super anxious over people actually reading it.

They weren’t about to do it for a video. It wasn’t going to be possible. The question was just _what are your favorite memories of each other?_ But they couldn’t put that online. Even if they could, they wouldn’t want to. That was personal. And yeah, they put everything out on the internet. But this was too personal, even for _them_ to share.

That didn’t mean they couldn’t talk about it. Which was brought them to sitting curled up in Phil’s bed, Dan’s head on Phil’s shoulder, curled against his side. Phil holding Dan, keeping him close. Both of them just sitting there, thinking. Of all the best things they had together. Of all the worst things they had together, that they helped each other through and came out on the other side better. With age, their worst moments together became some of the best. Not because they weren't bad anymore, but because those were what brought them closer together, what made them the happy couple they were. 

They’d been going over memories for hours before the two of them knew the one favorite memory between them. One they didn’t talk about. That they each held for themselves, almost as if speaking it would ruin it. Even now, they didn’t tell the story to each other. It was just “That time we miserably failed at making pinof”, which put their original plan for uploading it off by over a year.

\---  
**2009**

Dan stood in front of the house, checking the address for the fifth time. It was the one Phil had given him. They’d met a bit back, keeping in touch from then on. Now, Dan was visiting Phil at his parents’ house. He’d tried to get himself looking good for Phil, having decided to just embrace the massive crush he’d found he had. Tight jeans and a low-cut shirt, deciding to show off the parts he knew others thought looked best. His legs and, as others so often put it, _those damn collarbones_. They were planning on doing a video together, and it would be fine.

He checked the address one more time, then knocked on the door. He wasn’t surprised to have Phil’s mother open the door instead of Phil himself. He’d been told that they might be home when he got there but would be leaving soon after. It wasn’t a surprise, but he sure as hell didn’t like it.

“I-I’m Dan, I’m here for Phil?” he said quietly. He was trying to be confident, but he still couldn’t help looking like a deer in the headlights in front of other people’s parents.

“Of course, he told us you were coming over. He’s upstairs, you can’t miss him.” she said, stepping aside before returning to what she was doing. Clearly getting ready to leave. Phil had warned him that his mother tended to talk guests to death, so he was thankful for her apparent rush to get out of the house. He went upstairs, easily finding Phil’s room. It was glaringly obvious they’d grown up here, doors still marked with childish signs.

Phil had told him when they’d talked about him coming over to just come in.  
_Mum might send you up on your own, just come right in._

He opened the door, eyes on the ground. He took off his shoes quickly, tucking them in the corner. “Hey, I-” he turned, looking at Phil. A hell of a lot of Phil. “I’m… I… sorry I’m early.”

_Look away, dumbass. Leave the room, go wait in the hallway go sit in the bathroom, anything, just stop looking at him. Stop looking stop looking stop looking stop looking._

But he was frozen. Completely stuck. Staring at Phil, staring at the pale skin of his torso and the paler skin of his hips, staring at Phil’s hand, which had stopped moving the moment he realized Dan was in the room, wrapped around his cock. His obscenely hard, massive cock.

Dan wished he had taken another few minutes getting ready. Wished he had checked the address another dozen times. Wished that Phil’s mother had stopped and talked to him for any amount of time. Wished he’d knocked.

Wished he’d worn looser trousers. Jeans weren’t exactly the most comfortable, his own erection pressing against the zipper, and the tightness meant that it was glaringly obvious. He tore his eyes away from Phil’s hand - because he was definitely staring at Phil’s hand, not what it was on - to the only place that seemed worse to be looking at right now. Phil’s face. And Phil was staring back at him. A moment of eye contact, broken by Phil looking over Dan, lingering at his crotch, making Dan squirm slightly. Which brought friction, making him impossibly harder.

_Leave. Sit in the hall, wank in the bathroom, leave the damn house and never talk to him again. Apologize, stop staring, get out._

“Fuck me.” Dan’s voice was less than a whisper, taking the few steps it took to get to Phil’s bed as he pushed his jacket off his shoulders.

“I-I don’t have lube.” _You went too far you ruined it get out and block his number leave now he hates you you’ll never be friends now you ruined it._

“I don’t care.” Dan muttered, his hands working on the button of his own jeans. Until Phil’s hands were around his wrists.

“Dan, no.” Phil said quietly, staring up at him.

Dan moved back slightly, though he let Phil hold his wrists. 

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Phil said quietly, sitting up.

_Well if that’s the only reason..._

“Then we’ll do something else.” Dan said quietly, leaning forward and kissing Phil as he straddled him. He rolled his hips slightly, both of them gasping quietly, breaking the kiss.

Phil rest his head on Dan’s shoulder, letting out a breath against Dan’s neck. He thrust up slightly, wrapping his arms around Dan and pulling him closer. Even with Dan’s clothes between them, their chests pressed together was enough to make Phil that much more desperate. And apparently, it was enough for Dan too.

It almost happened too fast for them to call it anything. Dan grinding down against Phil, Phil thrusting up against Dan, Phil pulling Dan’s shirt up over his head before latching his mouth onto one of _those damn collarbones_ , leaving a light mark with gentle bites and soft sucking. Phil coming over both of them, pressing his face into Dan’s neck. Dan coming in his pants like the horny teen he was.

They stayed like that for a while, breathing in each other and processing what had happened. That they had just come together, that Dan’s torso had Phil’s come on it. That Phil had only turned down proper sex because he didn’t have lube, not because he didn’t want to.

Phil was the first to move, lifting his head and leaning back a little. He ran his fingertips over the light mark he’d left on Dan’s collarbone, a smirk on his face. It wasn’t something most people would notice, and it was already fading. But it was there. He had put it there.

It was enough for Dan to be happy he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He wiped at the already drying come on his stomach, bringing his fingers to his mouth, licking them clean while his eyes were locked on Phil’s.

_You’ve never done anything like this. Never come with anyone else there. What the hell do you think you’re doing. You don’t even like the taste, dumbass._

He didn’t care. He was too caught up by _Phil_. He wanted Phil to think of him like this. And it was obvious that Phil did. Looking him like the sexiest thing in the damn universe. He wiped his hand on his jeans, the other moving up to Phil’s hair, pulling him in. Then his lips were on Phil’s, Phil leaning back and pulling Dan with him.

By the time they stopped, Phil had come once more. Dan had come again twice - Phil had discovered the wonders that kissing his neck brought, his moans turning into nearly silent shuddering gasps, high pitched whining. The way he moved under Phil, squirming and desperately working to take off his jeans.

_God you should have worn looser jeans. Or maybe sweatpants. Anything that was easier to take off than these. Maybe you should’ve just come over here naked._

He was barely out of his pants before he came the second time. He didn’t care that he had just come, his hand was on their cocks, not even able to care about just how much larger Phil was than him. He couldn’t care, Phil’s mouth was on his neck, his hand was in his hair - pulling just a little bit, just enough to give the sting he desperately wanted. The two of them grinding against each other, a bite on his neck that he’d definitely have to explain to his family. They came together the last time, their come mixing on Dan’s stomach.

As if that wasn’t enough, Phil pulled back, licking the come off Dan’s torso before kissing him again. He stood after that, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, pulling them on. He kept his eyes on Dan, though Dan had no way of knowing. His eyes were closed, head tilted to the side, the mark Phil had left on his neck on display.

“You’re beautiful.” Phil muttered, reaching over and running his fingers through Dan’s hair. All he got in response was a small smile and a quiet hum. He got Dan’s feet free of his jeans, where they’d given up on removing them while they were so desperate. He took out another pair of his sweatpants, putting them on Dan. It was a bit awkward, with Dan having seemingly given up on the concept of movement. He lay down next to Dan, pulling him into his arms. He smiled as Dan curled into his chest, holding onto his shirt as he fell asleep.

\---

Dan still wasn’t clear on how long it had been between him falling asleep and him waking up. Their best memory was quickly followed by their worst, the one that felt awful at the time, but looking back was perfectly reasonable.

Phil had woken up as he heard his door click shut, and he knew it was all too obvious that something had happened. Dan was shirtless, wearing some of Phil’s sweatpants, neck and torso with feint marks, one on his neck being perfectly clear. Dan’s jeans were on the floor with his pants tangled in them.

And someone had seen them.

Phil panicked, nearly falling over Dan as he got up. He opened his door, tensing when he saw Martyn leaning against the opposite wall.

“Wanted to say hello before I went to bed. Just got here.” he said quietly.

“I… yeah, hi.” Phil muttered, reaching behind himself to pull his door shut again when Martyn put a hand on his chest and pushed him back into the room, following him in and closing the door.

“Martyn, what are you doing?” Phil said, a harsh whisper.

“What are you doing? You barely know this guy, right?”

“I… well, we’ve been talking for a while now.”

“Texting. And he’s… what, 16?”

“He’s 18.”

“It's still creepy.”

Neither had realized they were getting louder. Or that Dan had moved.

“It’s not creepy.” Dan mumbled. He looked up at Martyn for a second, then went to find his shirt. “I’m a damn adult. I came onto him. Hell, if anything I’m the creepy one.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Dan looked at Phil, the look in his eyes clearly an apology for what he was about to say. “It means that I walked in on him wanking. And I stared instead of looking away. Instead of leaving the room like a normal person, I asked him to fuck me. Which - by the way - he didn’t.”

Phil was blushing, bright red. He couldn’t look at Martyn, and he didn’t dare to look at Dan. He wasn't anything near being a virgin, but he wasn't one to talk about it.

“What, that makes it okay? He didn’t fuck you, so it’s okay?”

Dan looked down, trying to keep himself calm. He assumed this was Martyn, though he still wasn’t sure. But exploding at Phil’s family wasn’t going to make anything better.

“I know it’s sketchy.” he mumbled. “He’s 22, I just turned 18. I get it, okay? I might not’ve come here thinking about… well, that… but I sure as hell dressed up for him.” He pulled on his shirt, smiling a little as he realized the most visible marks were still showing with its low neck. He moved closer to Phil, draping an arm around his waist.

Phil looked at Dan, hesitating for a moment before pulling away from him. “You don’t have to defend me. He’s right, I… I shouldn’t have…”

Dan stepped back, face falling as he looking between the two of them.

“You should go.”

Dan stared for a moment longer, then grabbed his clothes, slipped on his shoes, and left the house, thanking whatever was out there that he didn’t see either of Phil’s parents on the way out.

\---

**2010**

Dan sat on his bed, watching and re-watching Phil’s most recent video. It wasn’t fair. Phil was recording videos right next to the bed where they’d been. Talking about finishing Super Mario Wii with his brother, doing videos with other people. And Dan was pining, watching the same 2 minutes of Phil on repeat.

It usually wasn’t that bad. But then it was Phil’s birthday, and Dan’s mind was going to be on him anyway. The past 3 months had been… well, awful. Don’t do it. Don’t play it again, don’t bother. Just close the tab and definitely don’t send him a happy birthday text.

He managed half of it. He told himself Phil needed space. He also told himself that 3 months was pretty damn well giving him space. And that was that. It wasn’t anything special.

_happy birthday. miss you -dan_

It didn’t warrant a response. He knew it didn't warrant a response. It still stung when he didn’t get one. He might not have talked to Phil for months, but he knew him well enough to know that everyone else got a ‘Thank you’ with a minimum of two exclamation points. And Dan got nothing.

He got nothing until Halloween. He barely thought about Phil now, occasionally feeling that sting again but nothing more. Considering it some kind of relapse when he watched one of his videos. Then he was invited to a Halloween party with a few other youtubers, and he didn’t give it a second thought until he got there. Until he was already there. Until he saw Phil, and his equally stupidly tall height meant that he knew Phil had seen him too. Not that there were particularly many people to block his view.

He spent most of the night trying to avoid him. He’d hear Phil’s voice from the next room and he would move another room over. He’d see his head poke around a corner and find somewhere to hide. He went far enough to curl up behind the sofa at one point.

Until he turned around, and Phil was there. Dan gasped quietly, staring at Phil.

“Hi…”

“Hey…” Phil mumbled.

“I uh… I’ve missed you.”

“You too. I’ve… I’ve been thinking. About… things.”

“Me too. And I think we should talk about it.” he mumbled.

Phil nodded after a moment, reaching out and taking Dan’s hand, leading him to an otherwise empty room. Dan couldn’t help but think about how Phil was here, Phil was talking to him, _touching_ him. It had to mean he didn’t hate him.  
Once they were alone, Dan started talking. Not giving Phil a chance to go first.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled. “You didn’t do anything wrong, I swear, but… but Martyn was right. It’s kinda creepy, yeah? And it messed stuff up between us. We should've talked about it then.”

Phil nodded. “I… I know. I’m really sorry too.” he said quietly. “I guess I just got scared. That I did do something wrong. That I did take advantage of you. Because you were - you still are - really young.”

“You didn’t. You were… fantastic.” he said quietly. “I… I really liked that, Phil. And I was so damn proud every time someone stared at me. It was like everyone knew I belonged to someone.”

Phil blushed, looking down. “But…”

“Exactly. But then I remembered that I didn’t belong to anyone. That I wasn’t going to get to go back.”

“You don’t belong to anyone, Dan. Not because you’re not with me. Dan, if you think you would belong to me if we were together, that means that I-”

“No. No, no, no. You listen to me. I shouldn’t have said it like that. I know I wouldn’t actually belong to you. But I belong _with_ you. Not even necessarily like that, just… I missed you so much.” He stepped forward, running his hands down Phil’s sides, staring up at him. There was barely any space between them now.

“Dan… Dan, I don’t know about this.” he mumbled, though he moved his hands to Dan’s hips.

“I do.” Dan said quietly. “I want you, okay? You’re a damn angel. And… and this time, at least, I’m not going to bother asking you to fuck me. I don’t know what you want, but I want to at least be friends.”

Phil smiled a little. “That sounds like a perfect place to start.” he said quietly, stepping back from Dan.

\---

The biggest surprise was that it wasn’t weird between them. They started hanging out with other people, then they were hanging out alone again. And then Dan was in Phil’s room again, filming the video they’d originally thought of making. Dan kept looking back at the new bed with the same stupidly bright sheets, unable to stop himself from thinking about that night. The constant contact between them, the fact that he was leaning against Phil’s bed, the fact that there was a _Dan and Phil_.

It wasn’t until 3 years later that they tried anything again. And really, it wasn’t that anything happened. In fact, absolutely nothing new had happened.

\----

**2013**

“Pinof 4 is up.” Phil said, sitting down next to Dan, his arm draped over Dan’s shoulders. They fell back to what seemed to just be natural to them now - Phil with an arm around Dan, Dan leaning against Phil.

“Time for a few thousand more people telling us we’re dating.”

They sat for a moment before both seemed to realize the same thing.

“We’re totally dating.” Dan mumbled, looking up at Phil.

Phil looked down at him after a second. “You okay with that?”

“Yeah.” Dan mumbled, resting his head on Phil’s shoulder again. He cuddled a little closer, pulling his legs up and folding them under him.

At first, nothing changed. Dan and Phil cuddled on the sofa, ate together, spent all their time together. What changed was that all their usual light touches felt so much more intimate. But really, nothing changed. Not for weeks.

\---

“I’m going to the shop, you want anything?”

“I think I’m alright.” Dan said quietly, not even glancing up at Phil.

“Alright, just text me if you think of anything.” Phil said quietly, walking up to Dan. He ran his fingers through Dan’s hair, giving him a hint of affection every time he left the flat. He leaned down and pressed a brief kiss to Dan’s lips before turning and leaving.

The door was already closed when Dan processed what had just happened. Phil had kissed him. Phil had kissed him, and it felt so, so right.


End file.
